ER doctor...ARGH!!!!!

Well, Gretchen's cut was still open this morning, so I decided to call the pediatrician just to ask if that was normal.  It was Wednesday night, so about 30 hours had passed.  You don't get to talk to a live person - you have to leave a message on the nurse's phone and wait for a reply.  It was only about 25 minutes this time - some kind of record for this practice, in my experience with them.

The nurse on the other end of the phone was almost frantic.  I mean, this is my kid and I was more calm than she was.  She said I needed to bring her in immediately!!  I said, "Well, she's at school and it's only a half day.  Do you have any afternoon appointments?"   "Yes, we do, but you don't want to wait!  You cannot mess around with something like this!"  I asked again for like a 12:30.  It was going to be 9:00 before I could get there at this point anyway.  Nope, she insisted that they had to see Gretchen ASAP.  Took the 9:00 appointment.

So, I called school and told them I'd be over in 10 minutes to pick her up.  I had to pull her out of computer class.  At first, she was OK with that.  She even told me, "A doctor's appointment is more important than computer class", but as the waiting for the doctor wore on, she was more and more sad about having to leave the lesson.  And, getting a little apprehensive about missing the R show and tell.  (Different letter each week.)  I brought her back to school just in time for it.  They even asked her to go next because all her friends missed her so much.  Oh, when I was driving them home, she was telling me that - and Carl piped up and said, "Sister, I missed you so much when you were gone."  I am very glad they are in the same class this year.

We got to the doctor's in time for our 9:00 appointment.  Even got taken back pretty quickly.  She weighed 49 lbs with her clothes on.  In her jammies at the ER the other night, she was 48 lbs.  A nurse came in and took our info quickly.  She asked me, "Has anything changed since you visit in August?"  and I asked back, "You mean the citywatertwocatsliveswithbothparentsnogunsinthehouse line of questioning?"  And she smiled and said, "Yes".  "Nope, no changes."  And that was it!!!  No one else asked me the gazillion questions!  Technically, she didn't ask me either.  Whoa!!

Then we waited for a PA. I liked her.  She took one look at it and said, "They should have glued this in the ER."  I told her that the doctor told Lew it was too shallow and too irregular for stitches.  She told me you will never ever see an ER doctor stitch on a child's face.  But, she couldn't believe he wasn't willing to glue it.  She said, had it been glued when it was brand new, it could have healed perfectly.

Now, it had 30+ hours to begin healing.  But, she still felt it was a good candidate for gluing.  She bopped out of the room and came right back with our regular pediatrician.  I like him, too.  She asked him if it looked like a good time for (insert really long technical name here).  He looked at her with his eyebrows all wrinkled up and said, "What?"  She replied, "Glue."  "Oh.  I always call it glue.  I didn't know it had a long technical term."  Even though he was unaware of the name, he totally agreed it needed to be glued.  He said, "We will have to clean it really good first."  In other words... that might hurt. 

She didn't cry then.  She didn't cry until the PA was almost done.  I think by then the iodine was starting to sting.  But, it looks really good.  They did tell me several times that it won't heal perfectly because it has had 30+ hours to heal already.  The edges were already healing up, so they wouldn't stick together. 

When they took the bandaid off her face, it left 2 red patches.  I had changed it several times since she was hurt.  (She came home from the ER with only a regular bandaid... today, the PA was surprised they wouldn't even butterfly suture it for her.)  I told the PA that I have an allergy to adhesives and she said it looks like Gretchen has either an adhesive or a latex sensitivity.  So, I was even happier to have the glue in place. No more bandaid.  I hope none of that adhesive got into the cut.  If something like that happened to me, it would become inflamed very quickly.  Stick-um and open cuts/hangnails/bug bites... have all left me having to see a doctor for a prescription to get rid of the reaction.  I hope it doesn't build quickly in Gretchen.  I wasn't affected until after college.  The PA gave me some cream to put on her face that should take the redness away. 

I feel bad for not bringing her in yesterday, but I was following hte ER doctor's directions.  Today's doctors even told me we did everything right.  Took her to the ER.  Followed that doctor's directions.  It was the doctor who dropped the ball when he said "put neosporin on it."  They told me not to feel bad about not bringing her in yesterday.  I had a mammogram in the morning and I didn't want to cancel it on such short notice, so I was willing to listen to the ER doctor.

Lew is pretty pissed off at that ER doctor, too.  He will be writing a letter.  He is very good at that. 

The take away lesson here is:  Always follow up an ER visit the very next morning at your real doctor.  Since it was our very first, I guess we didn't know that.  2 kids, almost 6 years and this visit was the very first.  Not a bad record, eh?

I still am not putting up the original shot.  It is not bloody, just kind of icky.  I can't believe the ER doc referred to it as "shallow".  I feel it has a definite puncture spot right in the center.  Oh, she has a pretty big bruise on her upper shoulder now, too.  Ouch!

Sporting a bandaid.  This is exactly how the ER sent her home.

Check this out.. this is after we moved her bed, tucked her in with the sheets all the way into the frame and had her sleeping right up against the wall.  Yes, she is asleep.  I often come in to find her sitting up, slumped over and sound asleep.  But, if she sat up too fast, she'd probably still roll out of bed.  Gee..... wonder why we haven't bunked these beds yet?

Here she is today after getting it glued.  It looks really good!  I hope the scar is tiny.  It's right in the end of her eyebrow, so the PA felt it wouldn't be noticeable as she grows. 

The nurse got her face scar when she was 4.  A kid threw on of those little wooden peg game boards at her face.  The PA got her face scar when her older brother pushed her out of the back of a moving pick-up-truck.  I got my face scar when I was running and fell onto the TV.  All of us in the room had a story, so why not Gretchen, too, right?  Gretchen got her face scar falling out of bed.  tee hee... it does sound funny. 

Not as glamorous as a moving pick-up truck, that's for sure!

dress up

Check out my mad shopping skillz......     I found this Disney Sleeping Beauty costume (with the tiara attached and tags on it still) at Once Upon A Child for $12!  Same dress is $40 at The Disney Store.  It's a 7/8...can you believe she is that big?  He is in 8 bottoms and 10/12 tops.  That's even more crazy. 

And this is part Halloween spoiler part Father's Day flashback.... 

This hat is part of Carl's costume.  I've had it forever.  I have no idea where it came from.  I used to use it with my classes each Father's Day.  I had 2 sports coats of my father's and 2 of his old neckties.  I'd dress the little kids up in the jacket, tie & this hat and take a picture.  (Then, we'd make a card of their footprint.  Inside, I'd write, "Daddy, I want to follow in your footsteps.  Happy Father's Day.")

Carl is loving this hat!  Wants to wear it to school and everywhere.  It's so cute to look back inteh rearview mirror and see him in it.  It's goofy.  It's certainly not a 5 yr old fashion statement.  But, I am so glad he loves wearing it and doesn't care what anyone else might think.  That is one really cool thing (among many really cool things) about 5 year olds in general.  But, when I mentioned it to my mother - how I hope Carl always just wears what he loves without worrying about what people might think, she said, "Well, that was Big Ken.  He never cared what people thought about the things he wore."  Just one (among many) more connection between Carl & Big Ken. 

bummer milestone

At 11:52pm, Lew & Gretchen headed out the door for the First Ever B. Family ER Visit.  We made it 5 years,10 months and 1 week ER free.

She rolled out of bed and somehow cut her face next to her eyebrow. A little over 1/2" long.  Yes, I took a picture.  No, I am not posting it.  I snapped one because Lew was arguing with me that it did not need stitches and I thought I was going to have to put it on a site I check often to get my mommy friends to back me up.  

It stopped bleeding very quickly.  She either hit the doll cradle or a dinosaur.  Can't really tell.   I hope they can glue it and it won't leave a big scar.  It has a puncture-esque look to the center of it.  If Urgent Care places were open at midnight, we'd have gone there.  It really wasn't a huge emergency.  We're pretty laid back about most stuff, but when it comes to scarring that beautiful face, I wanted it looked at.  Then, a phone nurse agreed with me.  "Face/head cuts over 1/4" should come in."

I'm going to bake some cookies now while I wait.

__________________________________________________________________
update:  2:15am

Lew just texted that the dr said "put some neosporin on it."  It is apparently too shallow and too irregular to do anything.  I know damn well it is going to scar. 

Hefty co-pay for ER visit. 

And, Gretchen is still up at 2:15 am.

I love fall colors!!

Leaf peeping in coastal NC is not too exciting.  Unless, you are Kermit the Frog. 

But, we grabbed some of our favorite fall accessories and headed to one of the kids' favorite places for a little fun on Friday evening.....

Want to see old pumpkin shots?  Check out 2010's shoot.  Actually, also took place on 9.23.

How about checking out last year's?  Here are the 2009 pictures.

 In 2008, the kids didn't get in the pictures.  They were too busy running and playing.  But, that is the year I shot the photo that was entered in the area TV station's 2010 calendar.   And, finally, here are the 2007 shots.

more 2011... 
they love the beach.  We don't go often, but we should let them play in the waves more.  We won't live here forever.  I'm sure.

 Happy Fall !!!!!  Hope you have some traditions that are as fun as this one is for us.

Pumpkin Pie Cake

For some reason, this recipe is saved on my computer titled "Lew's Pumpkin Pie Cake".  Neither one of us can remember why.  We have decided it must be because the first time we made it, he really made it.  But, I don't know why he would be doing the baking. That's my thing.  His is cooking food.  I love baking and dislike cooking.   But, who am I to argue with the archived recipe name???

So, without further ado... here's the recipe for

Lew's Pumpkin Pie Cake

350°   75 minutes
9x13 pan, ungreased

1 (16 oz) can pumpkin
3 eggs, beaten
¾ c sugar
¾ c brown sugar
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 (13 oz) can evaporated milk
1 tsp salt
1 (19 oz) pkg yellow cake mix
2 sticks butter, melted
1 c broken pecans – optional

Combine pumpkin, eggs, sugars, pie spice, milk and salt.
Pour into an ungreased 9x13 pan.

Spread dry cake mix over batter in pan.

Pour butter evenly over cake mix; sprinkle pecans.

Bake at 350° for 1 hour and 15 minutes.

I do not use the pecans because Lew doesn't like them.  So, I don't know what they add... flavor or more texture.  And, the current shopping thing is pumpkin comes in cans of 15 oz, not 16 and the evap milk will be a 12 oz can, not 13.  You know how they keep making things smaller but charge the same or more?  Well, must apply to baking supplies, too. 

It's such an easy recipe to make.  (even Lew can do it...ha ha ha ) I made it while the kids were at school, but it is a recipe that Gretchen would have loved to helped with.  When they came home from school and walked through the door, she gasped, "What smells so good?"  And I had to tell her I was bringing it to my camera club pot luck dinner.  I promised her I'd bring home whatever was left, though.  There were so many good food dishes and desserts there.  Mine was 1 of only 2 non-chocolate desserts, though.  And the other was a store bought apple pie.  Store bought apple pie.... yes, it almost hurts me to say that.   Spend a little time and bake this instead of buying a store bought apple pie, please!!!  It is so yummy.  I like to keep it in the fridge before serving because I like my pumpkin pie cold.  You have a pumpkin pie on the bottom with a topping that is similar to a fruit crisp - the cake mix and butter crisps up and tastes so good. 

Don't forget some vanilla ice cream!

sweet 16

Happy 16th Anniversary to Lew & me! 

Just a couple photos from September 22, 1995.  It poured cats and dogs that day.  They say it is good luck if it rains on your wedding day.  I suspect that is to pacify crying brides who are looking out the window at rain falling on their magical day.  I wasn't one of those brides - if I had been, it wouldn't have been a surprise wedding on September 22, 1995.  Alls well that ends well???

 "Oh cripes!  I'm wearing a sweat shirt!" 

Now this shot was early October when we went up to the Adirondacks for a small hike and visit to some of our favorite places.  I have always loved this shot.  Just one of those 'hold the camera out yourself' shots.  But, remember, with film... you didn't get to check the back of your camera to see if you got the shot, delete it if you didn't and proceed to snap 15 more just in case. 

I think we're going to celebrate tonight with Thai take out.  Livin' it up!!!   I have some leftover cake from a camera club pot luck supper on Tuesday,.  That will make the perfect dessert...mmmmm..... Pumpkin Pie Cake!!! 

I will share the recipe with you (you need it!) once I snap a photo of a piece of it served.  I have a couple of the cooking process.  I'm no Pioneer Woman with my food photography recipes, but I know sometimes it does help to see what the recipe should be looking like at each step.

9:30pm....   adding to this entry....

It poured today.  Just like it did 16 years ago in NY.  The kids and I sat in the van when we got home from school and played some favorite songs to wait until it calmed down enough to go inside.

Gretchen was really into wishing up Happy Anniversary and asking us how many years we had been married.  She told us she loves us every year!  Right before bed, the kids took some pictures of us.

by Carl:

by Gretchen: 

Sept 19th cuteness

Sorry I didn't add these a few days ago.  I will be honest with you, I have been too preoccupied to post here.  One of my friends has to bury her 19 year old son this week.  He took his own life on Sunday.  Such a senseless loss.  She is still trying to understand it herself.  He was training to be a paramedic.  He wanted to help people.  He left behind an older brother (21) as well as a younger sister (7) and a little brother (5).  I haven't heard from Annette to know how the little ones are doing.  I know that tomorrow they are having two separate services in an attempt to keep the little ears from hearing too much.  I hope that some peace can come to them all.

But, I do have a few shots from September 19th.  We have new comforters!!  What a process that was... do you have any idea just how many different Disney Princess comforter designs there are?  Ugh!!  And, they all seemed to be polyester.  I wanted cotton.  Well, I finally found some that were 60% cotton/40% poly ....and they had patches on them that light up!!! I thought they would love those and we found them in person at Kmart.  Well, Kmart also had one that was a fleece top with a polyester comforter backing.  Gretchen liked that one.  I think I talked her into the light up one.  So, we looked at a couple other designs before opening her light up one.  Not Carl - he loved the light up idea.  Even though the comforter itself wasn't as soft as I would have liked.  He loves it!  It washed up a little softer.  And he loves it!!!!  Good.

But, Gretchen asked if we could look for one with a castle on it because, and I quote "What good is a princess blanket if it doesn't have a castle?"  So, I found one at Target with a castle and 3 princesses.  She loved it and we bought that one.  I have to return the other one still, but her 100% polyester one washed up so much softer than Carl's 60/40.  Oh well.  Did I mention how much he loves his???  Well, she feels the same way about hers with the princesses and castles!!

Now, we still have our a/c on so it is 75* in here all the time.  Not exactly comforter weather.  But, it isn't cold here.  Even at night, it isn't cold enough outside to drop the temp from 75*,  but, they are insisting on covering up under their new comforters.  And they are sweating like crazy all night long.  But, once it gets to be winter.. they will be doing great!!!!

Huggy Bears! 

and 2 more snuggly sleepers...

historically cute day

September 19th seems to be filled with cuteness! The pictures get bigger if you click on them.

2006 - exploring pumpkins in their jammies

2007 - if dogs can play poker, jungle animals can do puzzles

2008 - dancing at the Bluegrass Festival

2009 - playing together in the sandbox.  Look how cute those sandy toes are!

2010 - at the favorite play place's birthday celebration

There will be some pressure to capture something adorable today!

dragons and rainbows

We attended the first kindergarten classmate's birthday party today.  Oh, we're on the Birthday Circuit.  We did not do any parties when they were in the 2 yr old class or 3 yr old class. I declined every invite.  But, during their last year of pre-school, we went to every party and now in kindergarten, they are much too aware to think of declining invites. 

Today, Chloe was turning 6.  Her party was at a local drop-in childcare facility. There was a clown there who did magic, had a parachute to play with, did a couple neat cooking tricks and she was the coolest face painter.  The kids got to pick from several designs.  Gretchen and her best friend (the very same little girl she sat next to on the first day of school.  The one who said to me, "My mommy is sad because now I am in kindergarten."  She and Gretchen have been best friends since that very day!  Today, she mom asked us if Gretchen talks about Rebecca as much as Rebecca talks about Gretchen.  Yup, she does!!)  both wanted glitter rainbows and Carl said he didn't want anything on his face.  Well, then he saw one other little boy got a dragon on his forearm and Carl was ready!  They handed out numbers so the kids didn't have to stand in line, but honestly, this clown was fast.  The kids were so excited, too!

Here they are showing off their cool paintings! 

my mother's luck

We had some shopping to do today for a birthday party tomorrow.  I tried to find the CD we like to give yesterday, but Best Buy didn't have any.  So, today, we hoped to find it at Barnes & Noble and then head over to another bookstore to pick up a Webkinz to go with it.  Well, B&N had the CD and we even found a stuffed animal that Gretchen loved to give to her friend tomorrow.  Cool.  We were done with the real shopping.  Now, just check the shoe store for black boots for her Halloween costume and go to lunch.

We had to pass the fancy toy store on our way to the shoe store.  We were shopping at an outdoor shopping center with lots of streets and shops with apartments above them.  It's a fun place to go and walk around.  So, we were heading to the shoe store while the Boys were going to check out World Market for cool stuff.  Well, the fancy toy store was having a birthday party and we got sidetracked.

They had a table with games to play.  We tried to win Spot It (well, he was going to give us the other version since we own Spot It) but we weren't fast enough.  They had fancy schmancy cupcakes.  They had goodie bags with some cool little toys in them.  Gretchen & I were having a good ol' time.  Then Lew texted us, "Where are you?  We're sitting outside B&N waiting."  I told them to head over thinking Carl would like a goodie bag at least. 

It was about 10 minutes to 1 at that point.  I filled out a raffle ticket and dropped it in the bowl.  They had a table with some cool prizes on it and said they would draw a name every hour.  We didn't hear who won the 1:00 drawing because we stepped outside for like 34 seconds and they must have drawn the name.  If they drew your ticket, you got to pick from the table so you had to be there.  Now, it's 1:01 and we decided we were done and we'd go to Chick-fil-A for lunch.  Baby Cow had actually been at the birthday party along with a big Elmo walking around.  Gretchen cried when we left because she didn't win the doll on the table.  I explained that you aren't going to win every time and that they only pick 1 ticket out of that whole bucket of names.  I told her that we needed Grammie here to fill out a raffle ticket.  "Does she win a lot?" she asked.  Both Lew & I both answered quickly, "YES!"   For some reason, my mother is a raffle winning fool.  Now, maybe she enters more raffles than you do.  But still, she has a pretty high success rate.

We ended up finishing lunch at about 1:40.  So, we decided to try to zip back over to the toy store for the 2:00 drawing.  The lady said they were going to draw a few names for that one because there were so many prizes to be given out.  I just wanted to take one more try.  Something told me to go back.  Plus, we were still in the shopping center area, so I knew Lew would be willing to take us back.  So, the kids played for about 5 minutes on the play yard thing, but the other group of kids in there - the ones with no parents in sight - were pushing and screaming loudly.  It was easy to get my kids to leave. 

I jumped out of the car at the toy store door and Lew went to find a parking spot.  About 5 minutes later, they pulled 2 names and disappeared with the tickets.  All I heard the one lady say was, "I think I know that person."  So, I stood there waiting to hear who they drew and still nothing.  A few minutes later, I heard the guitar playing entertainment in the very back of the store stop and they announced a name.  I started to move back there and that's when I heard, "And we also have Jill B----."  I yelled "I'm here!" as I moved to the back of the store.  So, now I got to pick anything I wanted off the table.  Well, I was 99% sure I wanted the baby doll Gretchen saw before, but there was also a Melissa & Doug wooden dollhouse with furnishings.  And a wooden train set from the TV show Chuggington.  (That had a $60 price tag on it.  I didn't see one on the doll house.)  I told the woman my husband was parking the car and asked if I could wait and let my daughter decide?  She said no problem.  I texted Lew "I won. Bring G."  So, yes... she loved that doll and wanted her!!!  (I noticed after she picked the doll for certain, it had a price tag on it too.  $89.99.  These were some serious prizes.)  The store lady took Gretchen's picture beaming and holding up her new doll.  We thanked everyone and headed home.

I am feeling a little sad about Carl not getting a brand new toy today, too.  He was OK with it until we got home and opened the doll. When he heard her cry, he wanted her!  Then, he looked at me sadly and said, "Can you win something for me?"  Breaking my heart.  But, you know, not everything in life is equal.  Being fair doesn't mean being equal.  There are times he gets treats that she doesn't.  Still, usually it doesn't involve big toys that could be holiday gift worthy, you know?  But, don't worry... there is a stuffed animal that talks that he has been asking me for for weeks. I'll be ordering that today.  So, in a week or two, there will be a day when Carl gets the cool new toy and Gretchen can be happy for him.

Besides, I told them, my name was on the winning ticket.  So, I think sharing the new crying (she stops when you feed her a bottle - and then makes smacky lip noises), cooing, laughing baby is going to be fine.  They agreed.  Sort of.

So, that is how we did our own impression of Grammie today.  Apparently, just talking about her lucky streak was enough to get us a little one of our own today! 

and, by the way... the doll had a name on the box which Gretchen kept for her:  Lila!

that boy loves him some cheeseburgers

Gretchen has been buying a few hot lunches at school.  She likes pizza day and corn dog day.  Or, the mini corndogs... aka Corn Puppies.  She especially likes it when she gets a dessert... one day it was a low fat brownie.  Another day, it was sherbet!  Not every day comes with a dessert choice, though.  Seems like they get a choice daily of a cooked veggie or a salad.  Both of my kids like lettuce, cukes, celery... so salad is an awesome choice.  "There was a tomato in that salad.  I just put it on the side."  That girl has some mad problem solving skillz, huh? 

Carl is fussier than Gretchen is.  So, today was the first day that might have a food he would like.  Cheeseburger day!!  Parents are welcome to come in and eat with their kids.  Last week, Lew & I joined the kids and brought McDonald's food.  We sat at one of the little separate tables near the big class table.  But, today, for Carl's first day buying hot lunch, I wanted to go in and sit with the class. 

The "veggie" today was tater tots.  Both kids politely declined.  There was no salad option.  Bummer.  Then they got a choice of fruit... a whole apple, a little container of juice or a cup of canned pears.  And they got their milk.  Carl told me he was hungry, so I bought myself an extra cheeseburger.  Not the whole lunch.  None of us wanted tater tots. 

I couldn't get around the kids to snap Carl's picture buying his first tray.  Or even in time to get Gretchen paying for her lunch either.  They were in too much of a hurry to get back and start eating. You can even tell he is smiling here as he runs off with his newly purchased tray of food.  His first hot lunch.  Yeah, Gretchen's isn't documented.  Everything in life isn't equal. 

He ate his burger.  And 2/3 of mine.  I'll be honest... I tried it and one bite was plenty for me, thanks.  But, he liked it!  And, Gretchen ate half of hers.  That's good for her.  She really wanted to eat more of her apple, but her top 2 front teeth are loose and she couldn't bite into it.  I ate that.  Carl loved the pears.  He even drank the juice in the cup after.  Unheard of for him.

She struggled with that apple.  She really wanted to eat more of it, but her top two front teeth are a little loose and it was hurting her to bite the apple. 

 mmmmm..... pears!!!

The teacher's aide told me that Carl eats everything I send him for his lunch.  She said he doesn't appear to be hungry after.  I'm sending just the right amount for him.  Cool.  We also talked again about how he won't eat the sweet treats kids bring in. I did tell her that he likes plain vanilla ice cream.  On Fridays, the kids are allowed to buy ice cream.  So, the aide told me she will make sure Carl buys the vanilla dixie cup.  Knowing him, he'd pick up something else and not eat it when he could have a treat he loves.  I'm glad I was able to tell them and I do believe they will follow through on watching out for him.

Boy, want an eye opening experience?  Go eat lunch with kindergartners.  They were actually very well behaved, but what you want to check out is the amount of junk food they bring.  I saw one little girl had pasta salad, a bag of potato chips and a bag of chocolate chip cookies.  (The latter 2 both being those pre-packed bags.  Much more expensive than buying a pack of cookies and bagging them yourself.  I wonder if her mom buys the pre-made jello that cracks me up so much.  Really... who has so much on their plate in life that they cannot find time to make jello?)

The little boy sitting next to Gretchen had quite a lunch.  I noticed he had a 2 pack of ding dongs while she was still eating her burger.  I didn't see what his main course was or how much of it he consumed.  Then - today was a birthday for one boy classmate and they had cupcakes with huge tops of frosting.  So, basically, that little boy had cake for lunch. 

Carl won't eat cupcakes, but his awesome Mom had a pack of his very favorite fruit snacks tucked in her pocket so while Gretchen savored a cupcake, Carl got a treat, too.   We had fun eating and talking about their morning.  Then, I did snap a couple shots of them throwing away their trays.

 
Then, they headed back to their classroom for naptime.  Ha Ha Ha!!  Cupcakes with 4" of frosting on top right before nap!!!!  Ahhh!!!!  Friday afternoons!!!!!