the checkout gal

You know that Saturday Night Live skit where Kristen Wiig plays a Target check-out girl who runs off during each customer's order to pick up the items she is ringing up for them to buy? Well, I had her checking me out at Walmart earlier this week.

OK, the girl I had didn't physically leave the station, but she was a riot asking me questions. I think I have chatted with her before - once a lady in front of me had 2 pre-school aged (not twins) kids with her and the kids were wild. (sound familiar? It does to me) Anyway, I only had one kid because one of mine is always at pre-school. So, after the shopper and her kids left, the check-out girl commented to me about how badly the kids acted and how the mom had no control. Gulp. I smiled and said nothing, secretly thanking Gretchen for being in the cart and sitting quietly! But, it wasn't as judgemental as it sounds. I think she was truly surprised at the dynamic of that lady and her kids.

Anyway, fast forward to this week. Gretchen and I headed to Walmart yesterday after dropping off Carl. 9:00am on a Thursday is a great time to shop super Walmart - very few people, tons of open check-out lanes. And I picked this one! But, we had leisurely worked our way through the store picking up first the two items we intended on buying (disposable pie pans so I could make a thank you pie for the friend who loaned me his camera and a birthday card for Caroline. Which, by the way, I found The Perfect Card. Literally the first card I set my hands on. We looked no further.) But then we pooched around (ooo - Lew hates that family coined term... we looked at items) and found some clearance jammies for her, more 50 cent red Christmas bear socks for Carl (that boy is really really really into cute socks), found a good base for Valentine's teacher gifts, bought graham crackers, cookies to bake, yogurt smoothies. Oh, I didn't tell you all about our attempts to make smoothies in a blender. There is a commercial, well, an activity type commercial on one of the kids' TV channels. And Gretchen was convinced we needed to make "Groovy Smoothies" like the Fresh Beat Band commercial. You know what - there are photos. That needs it's own entry at another time.

Back to Walmart. We were finally ready, well, Gretchen had been whining for food for quite some time, but we finally headed to the front of the store to check out and go home.

We were tossing all kinds of stuff up on the belt... we also bought chili makings, soda, pull-ups...... and it was when those crossed the scanner that the lady began asking me questions. "Ma'am, how old is your child that needs the Pull-Ups?" They were boy style, so I figured she knew they weren't Gretchen's. I sighed a bit and said, "About 4 and a half." She smiled with relief and said she has an almost four and a half year old son, too, who was struggling with potty training. Then she said she had a 5 year old son, too, who trained easily. Now, I'm assuming the boys are about , oh 9 months apart. I guess "almost" 4.5 and 5 could be 5.5, right? Then she came out and asked me "Is there anything else wrong with your son?" OK, that's not what I was expecting! I stuttered and said, "Well, he has some delays, he gets speech therapy." and left it at that. But, she soon revealed why she asked that. It wasn't prying into Carl's behavior at all, she was looking for a similarity and common link. She said her son was just diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She told me she adopted him at age 2.5, after his own parents broke his legs and burned him. She said she must have been in denial herself, figuring that he had lived with her for so long, he'd be okay. By this point, I had nothing to contribute. That information was still blowing my mind.

Then, she came across the game I bought for a birthday gift for a child. "What's this?" I said, "I think it is like Scrabble." and she said, "I'll bet my 7 year old would like this. He like word games." Wow, 7, 5, 4... I did not ask if she had any more boys. Or kids.

Next question was about the Valentine's plates we were buying. By the way - if you need teacher gifts - Walmart has melamine heart shaped plates (red and pink in both dinner size or salad size for $1 a piece. Gretchen wanted 2 for her and Carl, so I grabbed dinner sized for them, but for the teachers, therapists and pre-school directors I bought the salad sized ones. "What are you going to do with all these plates?" I said, "They're for Valentine's gifts for all the kids' teachers and the speech therapist." "Well, what are you going to do?" I told her I was going to bake some cookies and wrap them all up. "Oh, I wouldn't have thought of that. That's a good idea!" Hope I inspired her. Are you proud, Martha? Pfft, I could care less what Martha thinks. But you knew that already.

So, this goes into my catalog of funny conversations with employees at our local Walmart. Nothing will ever top the greeter asking me if Gretchen was my granddaughter, though. On New Year's Eve, we ate dinner with friends and one of them gave me the best hindsight comeback for that...

..... I should have told her Gretchen was my sister!